Reading...
1. How to Read Literature Like a Professor-Thomas C. Foster
2. The Tales of Edgar Allan Poe (selected stories)
3. The Memory Keeper's Daughter-Kim Edwards
APPROVED! Essay #1 It’s Never Just a Heart Disease The heart is the center of emotion. Pain, pleasure, happiness, sorrow--everything one feels eventually leads back to this organ. In reality, a heart disease is usually sudden, emotional, and painful. However, in literature it serves a bigger purpose. Kim Edwards, in her book The Memory Keeper's Daughter, kills the main character David through an inevitable heart disease in order to stress all the mistakes and problems that he can’t undo.
David Henry made various past mistakes that he was contemplating on to fix. However, he died with a sudden heart attack, not being able to let go of all the pressures he had. During this time, he was alone--he had neither friends nor family. He lost his wife and son, his only two family members, because his secret created a wall barrier between the family. The secret that he had kept with himself for his whole life: Caroline, the nurse, was taking care of his daughter with Down syndrome. His only friend, Rosemary, left the state to live with her husband. He was a lonely, miserable man, all because of this one secret and lie.
In How to Read Literature Like a Professor, the author states that “the afflicted character can have any number of problems for which heart disease provides a suitable emblem” (Foster, 209). He made the impetuous decision to lie to his family that Phoebe had died, instead of being veracious. He gave his precious daughter away just because of an afflicted disease. Although he did it because he didn’t want to see his family suffer if something did happen to her, it inevitably led to him living a lonesome life. Thus, it was bound to happen that “David, running in the arboretum, had been stricken with a massive heart attack and died” (Edwards, 414). David suffered from a bad heart—physically and emotionally.
It may have been sudden, but the author purposefully struck David with a heart disease to emphasize the one biggest mistake he had made, and how that one lie and secret affected his whole life and the people around him.
Comment Hey Lyds! First off, I’d like to compliment how your essay is concise yet covers the area it needs. Since my problem is rambling off on my essay, I envy people who write concisely. Anyways, back to the feedbacks. Despite the fact that I didn’t read this particular section of How to Read Literature like a Professor, I was able to grasp the concept very easily because YOU clearly understood it. I can tell you know the correspondence between the section and your novel. I also like how you ventured to use new words, which also appropriately fit into context—you sound a bit more knowledgeable yet not pretentious. Your word choices seem appropriate; however, I notice you have a tendency to use the same words over and over, such as “inevitable,” and “sudden.” It’s only a minor flaw, but it still sounds a bit redundant. Other than that, I don’t have anything particularly negative to talk about. Nice work! -Elaine-
Essay #2 Is That a Symbol?In our world, symbolism is a representation of one certain thing. In literature, however, symbolism can be almost anything. There is no set definition for one aspect of something. It’s more up to the readers’ interpretation with sufficient evidence that determines what symbolism is. In Kim Edwards’s The Memory Keeper’s Daughter, the dark room is a significant representation of the cost of David Henry’s mistake.
After David Henry gave his baby daughter Phoebe away and lied to his wife that Phoebe had died, his marriage began to crumble. On his birthday, his wife gave him a professional camera. He soon became immersed in photography, trying to capture every precious moment into a picture. To do this, he spent most of his time in the dark room developing photographs, a place where he could be alone.
“It was peaceful in the darkroom, cool and quiet” (Edwards, 180). After David lied to his wife and son, tension rose between the family. Thus, he spent most of his time in the dark room. This was a place where he could keep his secret hidden and where he could be alone and aloof. It symbolizes what he did to himself and his family. The dark room was where he was in his own secret world, another reason why his wife began to question their marriage. In the end, David divorced his wife and was left alone—a major cost of his one secret.
Thus, the dark room was more just than a place to develop his photographs; it was everything that happened because his one secret and lie, from his marriage to his lonesome life.
Comments Hey Lyds, it’s Kevin G with a comment for your essay. First of all, I'd like to say nice thinking on the quick 1-sentence conclusions on all your essays so far. I just ended my essays with my 3rd paragraph but that extra sentence really helps the readers understand the whole point of the essay again. Okay, now lets start with your introduction. It’s a good hook, showing how symbolism is different in literature because of its vast amount of interpretations. But I have to say that the 4th and the last sentence could have been connected a bit better. In the body paragraphs, I found that you seemed to be emphasizing on the fact that the room made David alone and allowed him to keep his secret hidden. I was able to really see how isolated he really was from the rest of his family. I think you could have maybe mentioned why he was so immersed in trying to capture every precious moment, but then again the 300-word limit is a real pain to work around. The quote you added into your paragraph could have been analyzed better; it kind of seemed like you just threw it in there for the sake of proving that David thought it was peaceful. I don't mean its bad or anything, but I believe it could have been put to better use. Overall, the essay was well written with good sentence structure and nice flow. See you in class on Monday!
-Kevin G
Comment#2 Hi Lyd, this is Phillip. Anyways, I think your overall essay is pretty nice. However, I think you could have improved your essay by giving more information about the characters and the plot. And also your concluding paragraph is little bit too short. But I liked your introduction. You successfully introduced the meaning of the symbolism. However, your second and third paragraph could have been improved. In the structure, you described the plot at the 2nd paragraph and analyzed it at the 3rd. I felt some sentences were somewhat repetitive and could have been simplified. Although some structure seem little bit awkward, your use of quote and good clarity covers the lacking point of the essay. Lastly, I think you have a potential to be a great writer, with a little bit of more effort you will be able to write great essays.
-Phillip Song
Comment # 3
Hello. This is Edward Cho. We know each other. I saw your earlier comment on Kevin's essay. You sounded like a professor. I was really impressed. Your essay seemed fine too. However, I don't understand your first sentence. "In our world, symbolism is a representation of one certain thing" (Ahn 1).Symbolism is something that exists in literature. I was wondering how it could be possible that there are different types of symbolism in the real world when symbolism only exists in literature. And I was confused. And my heart hurted. So I gave up trying to find out what you meant on the first sentence. I suggest that you clarify your first sentence for the readers. I really liked your essay because your voice was so phenomenal. The strong and clear words of your essay were very impressive. I liked the fact that the writing was very focused and clear. One more thing I really liked was that you tried to use various types of sentence structures. In such a short 300-word essay, you managed to use various sentence structures such as using the semi-colon. Good job and Good bye.
Essay #3
It’s More than Just Rain or Snow
Just like the weather can affect one's mood, the weather can play a significant role in creating the atmosphere of a book. Kim Edwards uses this tactic in her profound book, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, in which many of the readers' emotions comes from how articulately she describes the weather conditions. In the beginning of the book, when David and Norah drive rapidly to the hospital in order to deliver their new babies, a sudden snowstorm hits town. This scene exemplifies Foster’s chapter about weather; the snowstorm foreshadows a clean but murky future while it creates the intense mood simultaneously.
David and Norah, a married couple, rapidly get outside when they discover Norah’s liquid. Since David is a doctor, he calls in one of the nurses, Caroline, to help him deliver the baby. However, while he is driving in the car, the author makes notice of the snowstorm that hits town in the middle of the night. Paul, the first baby, comes out perfectly healthy. However, the other twin, Phoebe is born with Down syndrome. Since this story’s setting is in the 1960’s, David decides to give the baby to Caroline, and lies to Norah that Phoebe died at birth.
The sudden snowstorm is one symbolic meaning of how clean everything becomes. Norah and David are starting a new life with a baby, just like the way snow covers everything like a white blanket: everything is novel. “The windshield wipers were frozen, and snow spilled down the back window when he pulled into the street. He drove slowly, thinking how beautiful Lexington was, the trees and bushes so heavy with snow” (Edwards, 13). Although the snow shows aesthetic beauty, it also foreshadows something negative happening, for it explains the hardships the couple went through because of the snow. One can picture the image of snow being omnipresent, even on the windshield wipers. It creates the gloomy and dark atmosphere to later make the mood of Phoebe’s illness and the lie.
The weather was in no means coincidental and without the snowstorm, the reader wouldn’t be able to picture and feel the intensity the scene portrayed. The weather was, in fact, the backbone of the readers’ emotions.
Essay #4 ...And Rarely Just Illness
An illness in literature is not created spontaneously. There is a reason, a purpose, and sometimes even a symbolic meaning to a horrible epidemic. In The Memory Keeper's Daughter, Kim Edwards intentionally made David and Norah's daughter, Phoebe, afflicted with Down syndrome. The author did this in order to emphasize what the time period was like compared to today.
Norah and David were at the hospital delivering their baby. The first child, Paul, came out perfectly healthy. A few moments later, another twin girl came out, Phoebe--but she was afflicted with Down syndrome, a rare disease at that time. Norah was unconscious and thus, David decided to give the baby to Caroline, the nurse. Phoebe and Paul grew up separate lives, but as they grew older, it is apparent that Phoebe was the one truly happy with her family.
"This poor child will most likely have a serious heart defect. A fatal one. I'm trying to spare us all a terrible grief" (Edwards, 24). This shows how difficult it was to accept others who were different from the people during the early 1900's. The author did this for us to imagine and to have a picturesque in our minds of what the atmosphere was like then. Although David made this decision for his wife and son, he didn’t think about Phoebe and how she would grow up with this disease. Phoebe, at times, felt “the isolation and uncertainty caused by the disease” (Foster, 219). However, the author made it clear that although she did have this disease, it’s more about being loved and cared for properly, as shown in Phoebe’s success and Paul’s unhappiness during his teenage years.
In this case, the illness that Phoebe was afflicted with during birth is a metaphorical symbol of the time period and how others reacted to it. An illness in literature can hold a vast amount of symbolism and meaning—an interpretation that is up to the author and reader.
Essay #5 He's Blind for a Reason, You Know
Blindness is more than just one who cannot see physically. Blindness is a critical aspect writers put into stories in which other non-blind characters have a subtle difference in their behavior. In The Memory Keeper's Daughter, Kim Edwards makes David a blind character for his ability to see the truth but rejecting it.
David has kept a secret for his whole life--he has a daughter, Phoebe, with Down syndrome living with the nurse Caroline. He lied to his family that she had died at birth. Although he sent Caroline a weekly allowance, they never sent letters that actually stated how Phoebe was doing. When a letter did come that stated what Phoebe went through, David decided to be blind--not caring about it and putting the letter in the closet.
David was the only one in the family who knew about the secret, and yet, he decided not to care and pretend it never happened. "All these years, and he never told me" (Edwards, 471). David tried anything to forget about what he had done, and didn't tell anybody except his only friend, Rosemary. Just as Foster explained, when he sees horror in his life, he blinds himself. After David saw the effects of what he had done, he shut Phoebe out of his life completely. Edwards uses the Indiana Jones principle and mentions in the beginning of the book how David doesn’t want Phoebe affecting his life. David states “It’s in your hands” to Caroline, and from that point, tried to blind himself from Caroline and Phoebe (83). David was a blind character to Phoebe, and therefore affected everyone around him.
Comment #1
Hey Jay! I've heard so much about your book and since we did one of our essays on the same topic, I decided to comment on this one! I thought your ideas were right on point. Moreover, your organization was probably your strongest out of all the traits. You clearly separated what your topic was about through distinct paragraphs. I especially picked this essay for your word choice and voice because not only did it sound most like you, you didn't try to sound pompous in any way, shape, or form. In a succinct manner, you stated a brief summary and the analysis on WHY Jack's heart attack took place. One thing I loved about this particular piece of writing was your introduction. It actually made me think about the other books I have read with heart attacks, and it was great that what you were going to talk about right from the first sentence. Remember to use quotation marks when you are citing any kind of book, including How to Read Literature Like a Professor. Your sentence fluency was right on track--you have the necessary transition phrases between paragraphs and transition words such as "furthermore" between sentences. The only other suggestion I would have to make is in your introduction, you have two sentences talking about general heart attacks, a bit of summary, general heart attack, and then your thesis. It makes the readers' eyes go back and forth to connect the paragraph as a whole. Instead, maybe you can put the fourth sentence before you talk about your summary, so your introduction is easier to understand. However, overall, this essay was a concise but informative essay!
-Jay Park, Essay#4 Comment #2Hey Kevin! Hope you're having a great summer! I chose this particular essay because not only did we do the same topic, it seemed to me that we had similar ideas on symbolism. First off, your voice is phenomenal. I can see that this is YOUR work, because your expressions and the way you connect ideas sound exactly like you. The ideas are not bad; one may say that it's obvious the baseball field represents his childhood, but you clearly explained your thoughts. One particular aspect I liked about this essay was that it wasn't complicated at all. It was clear, succinct, and written in a manner which one can understand easily. Thus, your organization is easy to follow and my eyes do not have to wander around everywhere. Remember for quotations, however, that you must use the correct citation: (author last name, page number). One sentence was a bit awkward--the one where you state Ray's emotions as "a kid on Christmas Eve..." Although I understand that you were trying to use a simile in order to express Ray's emotions, it seemed a bit out of place compared to the rest of the essay. Don't forget the period at the end of your essay too! One other sentence that was a bit confusing to understand was your thesis. You state "the baseball field Ray Kinsella." It's confusing to connect the two ideas at the same time, so I suggest you use commas or use "the baseball field THAT Ray Kinsella..." Your word choice was easy to understand and I liked your examples in the introduction! A great writer ties the whole essay with reality and the real world. Overall, I think this was one of your best essays! I enjoyed reading it! :) See you soon!
-Kevin G. Lee, Essay #5 IMPORTANT: Your summer reading assignment page should have five essays (copy and pasted) and two comments (copy and pasted). If I have to look for your assignments, points will be deducted!
Reminder to self: Don't forget to bring a hard copy on the first day of school (both comments and essays). AND a notebook for journals --BRING EVERY CLASS. :)
Are you ready FOR....
Lydia Ahn's Summer Reading Assignments?
Reading...
1. How to Read Literature Like a Professor-Thomas C. Foster
2. The Tales of Edgar Allan Poe (selected stories)
3. The Memory Keeper's Daughter-Kim Edwards
APPROVED!
Essay #1
It’s Never Just a Heart Disease
The heart is the center of emotion. Pain, pleasure, happiness, sorrow--everything one feels eventually leads back to this organ. In reality, a heart disease is usually sudden, emotional, and painful. However, in literature it serves a bigger purpose. Kim Edwards, in her book The Memory Keeper's Daughter, kills the main character David through an inevitable heart disease in order to stress all the mistakes and problems that he can’t undo.
David Henry made various past mistakes that he was contemplating on to fix. However, he died with a sudden heart attack, not being able to let go of all the pressures he had. During this time, he was alone--he had neither friends nor family. He lost his wife and son, his only two family members, because his secret created a wall barrier between the family. The secret that he had kept with himself for his whole life: Caroline, the nurse, was taking care of his daughter with Down syndrome. His only friend, Rosemary, left the state to live with her husband. He was a lonely, miserable man, all because of this one secret and lie.
In How to Read Literature Like a Professor, the author states that “the afflicted character can have any number of problems for which heart disease provides a suitable emblem” (Foster, 209). He made the impetuous decision to lie to his family that Phoebe had died, instead of being veracious. He gave his precious daughter away just because of an afflicted disease. Although he did it because he didn’t want to see his family suffer if something did happen to her, it inevitably led to him living a lonesome life. Thus, it was bound to happen that “David, running in the arboretum, had been stricken with a massive heart attack and died” (Edwards, 414). David suffered from a bad heart—physically and emotionally.
It may have been sudden, but the author purposefully struck David with a heart disease to emphasize the one biggest mistake he had made, and how that one lie and secret affected his whole life and the people around him.
Comment
Hey Lyds!
First off, I’d like to compliment how your essay is concise yet covers the area it needs. Since my problem is rambling off on my essay, I envy people who write concisely. Anyways, back to the feedbacks. Despite the fact that I didn’t read this particular section of How to Read Literature like a Professor, I was able to grasp the concept very easily because YOU clearly understood it. I can tell you know the correspondence between the section and your novel. I also like how you ventured to use new words, which also appropriately fit into context—you sound a bit more knowledgeable yet not pretentious. Your word choices seem appropriate; however, I notice you have a tendency to use the same words over and over, such as “inevitable,” and “sudden.” It’s only a minor flaw, but it still sounds a bit redundant. Other than that, I don’t have anything particularly negative to talk about. Nice work!
-Elaine-
Essay #2
Is That a Symbol?In our world, symbolism is a representation of one certain thing. In literature, however, symbolism can be almost anything. There is no set definition for one aspect of something. It’s more up to the readers’ interpretation with sufficient evidence that determines what symbolism is. In Kim Edwards’s The Memory Keeper’s Daughter, the dark room is a significant representation of the cost of David Henry’s mistake.
After David Henry gave his baby daughter Phoebe away and lied to his wife that Phoebe had died, his marriage began to crumble. On his birthday, his wife gave him a professional camera. He soon became immersed in photography, trying to capture every precious moment into a picture. To do this, he spent most of his time in the dark room developing photographs, a place where he could be alone.
“It was peaceful in the darkroom, cool and quiet” (Edwards, 180). After David lied to his wife and son, tension rose between the family. Thus, he spent most of his time in the dark room. This was a place where he could keep his secret hidden and where he could be alone and aloof. It symbolizes what he did to himself and his family. The dark room was where he was in his own secret world, another reason why his wife began to question their marriage. In the end, David divorced his wife and was left alone—a major cost of his one secret.
Thus, the dark room was more just than a place to develop his photographs; it was everything that happened because his one secret and lie, from his marriage to his lonesome life.
Comments
Hey Lyds, it’s Kevin G with a comment for your essay. First of all, I'd like to say nice thinking on the quick 1-sentence conclusions on all your essays so far. I just ended my essays with my 3rd paragraph but that extra sentence really helps the readers understand the whole point of the essay again. Okay, now lets start with your introduction. It’s a good hook, showing how symbolism is different in literature because of its vast amount of interpretations. But I have to say that the 4th and the last sentence could have been connected a bit better. In the body paragraphs, I found that you seemed to be emphasizing on the fact that the room made David alone and allowed him to keep his secret hidden. I was able to really see how isolated he really was from the rest of his family. I think you could have maybe mentioned why he was so immersed in trying to capture every precious moment, but then again the 300-word limit is a real pain to work around. The quote you added into your paragraph could have been analyzed better; it kind of seemed like you just threw it in there for the sake of proving that David thought it was peaceful. I don't mean its bad or anything, but I believe it could have been put to better use. Overall, the essay was well written with good sentence structure and nice flow. See you in class on Monday!
-Kevin G
Comment#2
Hi Lyd, this is Phillip. Anyways, I think your overall essay is pretty nice. However, I think you could have improved your essay by giving more information about the characters and the plot. And also your concluding paragraph is little bit too short. But I liked your introduction. You successfully introduced the meaning of the symbolism. However, your second and third paragraph could have been improved. In the structure, you described the plot at the 2nd paragraph and analyzed it at the 3rd. I felt some sentences were somewhat repetitive and could have been simplified. Although some structure seem little bit awkward, your use of quote and good clarity covers the lacking point of the essay. Lastly, I think you have a potential to be a great writer, with a little bit of more effort you will be able to write great essays.
-Phillip Song
Comment # 3
Hello. This is Edward Cho. We know each other. I saw your earlier comment on Kevin's essay. You sounded like a professor. I was really impressed. Your essay seemed fine too. However, I don't understand your first sentence. "In our world, symbolism is a representation of one certain thing" (Ahn 1).Symbolism is something that exists in literature. I was wondering how it could be possible that there are different types of symbolism in the real world when symbolism only exists in literature. And I was confused. And my heart hurted. So I gave up trying to find out what you meant on the first sentence. I suggest that you clarify your first sentence for the readers. I really liked your essay because your voice was so phenomenal. The strong and clear words of your essay were very impressive. I liked the fact that the writing was very focused and clear. One more thing I really liked was that you tried to use various types of sentence structures. In such a short 300-word essay, you managed to use various sentence structures such as using the semi-colon. Good job and Good bye.
Essay #3
It’s More than Just Rain or Snow
Just like the weather can affect one's mood, the weather can play a significant role in creating the atmosphere of a book. Kim Edwards uses this tactic in her profound book, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, in which many of the readers' emotions comes from how articulately she describes the weather conditions. In the beginning of the book, when David and Norah drive rapidly to the hospital in order to deliver their new babies, a sudden snowstorm hits town. This scene exemplifies Foster’s chapter about weather; the snowstorm foreshadows a clean but murky future while it creates the intense mood simultaneously.
David and Norah, a married couple, rapidly get outside when they discover Norah’s liquid. Since David is a doctor, he calls in one of the nurses, Caroline, to help him deliver the baby. However, while he is driving in the car, the author makes notice of the snowstorm that hits town in the middle of the night. Paul, the first baby, comes out perfectly healthy. However, the other twin, Phoebe is born with Down syndrome. Since this story’s setting is in the 1960’s, David decides to give the baby to Caroline, and lies to Norah that Phoebe died at birth.
The sudden snowstorm is one symbolic meaning of how clean everything becomes. Norah and David are starting a new life with a baby, just like the way snow covers everything like a white blanket: everything is novel. “The windshield wipers were frozen, and snow spilled down the back window when he pulled into the street. He drove slowly, thinking how beautiful Lexington was, the trees and bushes so heavy with snow” (Edwards, 13). Although the snow shows aesthetic beauty, it also foreshadows something negative happening, for it explains the hardships the couple went through because of the snow. One can picture the image of snow being omnipresent, even on the windshield wipers. It creates the gloomy and dark atmosphere to later make the mood of Phoebe’s illness and the lie.
The weather was in no means coincidental and without the snowstorm, the reader wouldn’t be able to picture and feel the intensity the scene portrayed. The weather was, in fact, the backbone of the readers’ emotions.
Essay #4
...And Rarely Just Illness
An illness in literature is not created spontaneously. There is a reason, a purpose, and sometimes even a symbolic meaning to a horrible epidemic. In The Memory Keeper's Daughter, Kim Edwards intentionally made David and Norah's daughter, Phoebe, afflicted with Down syndrome. The author did this in order to emphasize what the time period was like compared to today.
Norah and David were at the hospital delivering their baby. The first child, Paul, came out perfectly healthy. A few moments later, another twin girl came out, Phoebe--but she was afflicted with Down syndrome, a rare disease at that time. Norah was unconscious and thus, David decided to give the baby to Caroline, the nurse. Phoebe and Paul grew up separate lives, but as they grew older, it is apparent that Phoebe was the one truly happy with her family.
"This poor child will most likely have a serious heart defect. A fatal one. I'm trying to spare us all a terrible grief" (Edwards, 24). This shows how difficult it was to accept others who were different from the people during the early 1900's. The author did this for us to imagine and to have a picturesque in our minds of what the atmosphere was like then. Although David made this decision for his wife and son, he didn’t think about Phoebe and how she would grow up with this disease. Phoebe, at times, felt “the isolation and uncertainty caused by the disease” (Foster, 219). However, the author made it clear that although she did have this disease, it’s more about being loved and cared for properly, as shown in Phoebe’s success and Paul’s unhappiness during his teenage years.
In this case, the illness that Phoebe was afflicted with during birth is a metaphorical symbol of the time period and how others reacted to it. An illness in literature can hold a vast amount of symbolism and meaning—an interpretation that is up to the author and reader.
Essay #5
He's Blind for a Reason, You Know
Blindness is more than just one who cannot see physically. Blindness is a critical aspect writers put into stories in which other non-blind characters have a subtle difference in their behavior. In The Memory Keeper's Daughter, Kim Edwards makes David a blind character for his ability to see the truth but rejecting it.
David has kept a secret for his whole life--he has a daughter, Phoebe, with Down syndrome living with the nurse Caroline. He lied to his family that she had died at birth. Although he sent Caroline a weekly allowance, they never sent letters that actually stated how Phoebe was doing. When a letter did come that stated what Phoebe went through, David decided to be blind--not caring about it and putting the letter in the closet.
David was the only one in the family who knew about the secret, and yet, he decided not to care and pretend it never happened. "All these years, and he never told me" (Edwards, 471). David tried anything to forget about what he had done, and didn't tell anybody except his only friend, Rosemary. Just as Foster explained, when he sees horror in his life, he blinds himself. After David saw the effects of what he had done, he shut Phoebe out of his life completely. Edwards uses the Indiana Jones principle and mentions in the beginning of the book how David doesn’t want Phoebe affecting his life. David states “It’s in your hands” to Caroline, and from that point, tried to blind himself from Caroline and Phoebe (83). David was a blind character to Phoebe, and therefore affected everyone around him.
Comment #1
Hey Jay! I've heard so much about your book and since we did one of our essays on the same topic, I decided to comment on this one! I thought your ideas were right on point. Moreover, your organization was probably your strongest out of all the traits. You clearly separated what your topic was about through distinct paragraphs. I especially picked this essay for your word choice and voice because not only did it sound most like you, you didn't try to sound pompous in any way, shape, or form. In a succinct manner, you stated a brief summary and the analysis on WHY Jack's heart attack took place. One thing I loved about this particular piece of writing was your introduction. It actually made me think about the other books I have read with heart attacks, and it was great that what you were going to talk about right from the first sentence. Remember to use quotation marks when you are citing any kind of book, including How to Read Literature Like a Professor. Your sentence fluency was right on track--you have the necessary transition phrases between paragraphs and transition words such as "furthermore" between sentences. The only other suggestion I would have to make is in your introduction, you have two sentences talking about general heart attacks, a bit of summary, general heart attack, and then your thesis. It makes the readers' eyes go back and forth to connect the paragraph as a whole. Instead, maybe you can put the fourth sentence before you talk about your summary, so your introduction is easier to understand. However, overall, this essay was a concise but informative essay!
-Jay Park, Essay#4
Comment #2Hey Kevin! Hope you're having a great summer! I chose this particular essay because not only did we do the same topic, it seemed to me that we had similar ideas on symbolism. First off, your voice is phenomenal. I can see that this is YOUR work, because your expressions and the way you connect ideas sound exactly like you. The ideas are not bad; one may say that it's obvious the baseball field represents his childhood, but you clearly explained your thoughts. One particular aspect I liked about this essay was that it wasn't complicated at all. It was clear, succinct, and written in a manner which one can understand easily. Thus, your organization is easy to follow and my eyes do not have to wander around everywhere. Remember for quotations, however, that you must use the correct citation: (author last name, page number). One sentence was a bit awkward--the one where you state Ray's emotions as "a kid on Christmas Eve..." Although I understand that you were trying to use a simile in order to express Ray's emotions, it seemed a bit out of place compared to the rest of the essay. Don't forget the period at the end of your essay too! One other sentence that was a bit confusing to understand was your thesis. You state "the baseball field Ray Kinsella." It's confusing to connect the two ideas at the same time, so I suggest you use commas or use "the baseball field THAT Ray Kinsella..." Your word choice was easy to understand and I liked your examples in the introduction! A great writer ties the whole essay with reality and the real world. Overall, I think this was one of your best essays! I enjoyed reading it! :) See you soon!
-Kevin G. Lee, Essay #5
IMPORTANT: Your summer reading assignment page should have five essays (copy and pasted) and two comments (copy and pasted). If I have to look for your assignments, points will be deducted!
Reminder to self: Don't forget to bring a hard copy on the first day of school (both comments and essays). AND a notebook for journals --BRING EVERY CLASS. :)